Archive for the Health Category

It’s been 2 weeks since my last post and I promise to make this a good one. It is about Self-Esteem. Something that many people, including myself, struggle with. The basic question here being: “When does tolerance become unhealthy? When does a person say enough is enough?” Hope you find it useful.

Qn: Why do perfectly noble, normal, well-intentioned people get bullied? What gives?

These are people who go about their daily lives seeking to be good, to do good and to genuinely make a difference, to give value, earn an honest living, do no harm, be kind to animals kind of people….. you get my drift.

Of course I can go about the Karma route and explain it in a Spiritual sense of cause and effect. I can even talk about it through a Law of Attraction sense. However, today I’m going to take a purely scientific, psychological approach to discuss this topic.

Is it really about family background and upbringing, as Freud suggests? Or is it a chain reaction of things that happen to a person, causing him / her to “absorb” more and more of the “S*#t” people dump, letting others trample upon them like a doormat, sometimes even to the point of imploding…. sometimes exploding? (metaphorically speaking of course). Ultimately, it causes a lot of harm to the individual, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. We can see an array of physical manifestation as a result. Stuff like broken relationships, eating disorders, irritable bowel syndrome, depression, mental disorders, eczema etc, all manifestations of ‘taking in’ too much.

Let me give you an example. I have a friend who believes in reciprocity. Do good first and then good will come back in return. He has an unconditional positive regard towards others and genuinely looks for the good in other people. He has a forgiving nature and understands that people behave the way they do because they are heavy laden with their own baggage. But here’s what I observed, people take advantage of him and I’ve seen him being bullied in his workplace where he gets promised something and later the person who gave the promise does not fulfill it. In one of the portfolio his team was handling, I know that he’s doing most of the work but in the end, someone else takes over the credit and he does not even protest. I’ve even seen him get an oppressive tongue-lashing from a superior and he didn’t even stand up for himself. (BTW, I was a colleague of his). I saw him took this kind of treatment for 2 years and every time one of us colleagues asks him why is he allowing such people to take advantage of him, he usually has an excuse to justify their behaviour or he says that he contributed to the problem in the first place.

So one day, after I got trained as a counsellor, I sat down with him and had a counselling session and thankfully he was willing. What he revealed to me was not surprising. He was frustrated and angry with himself, even depressive, having irritable bowel syndrome, insomnia and eczema. However, he said he just couldn’t help himself. He knows that he’s feeling bad and miserable but cannot bring himself to stand up for himself. He’s got a believe system that says “Nice guys don’t get angry and I’m a nice guy”, “Harmony is maintained when no conflicts arise so don’t start conflicts.” There are also some disempowering spiritual beliefs of his that I can’t mention. Anyway, I was curious about where did he these acquire such belief systems and started asking him about his childhood and his relationship with his parents. To cut the story short, he was very much abused by his father (physically and emotionally) as a kid and was made to feel that when bad things happen, it is his fault and he was a lousy person if he cannot “do things right” (right being subjected to his father’s opinion). With that kind of low self-worth that was implanted within his psyche, he went on with life getting bullied even outside the home, in school and even socially. That was his pattern, getting bullied is normal!!??!!

Today, through many sessions of counselling therapy and motivational seminars, he has become more balanced a person. I still see certain times when he gets bullied and revert back to old patterns but I celebrate his progress. Compared to the man of the past, he’s much better now, able to assert himself when necessary.

Though I’m just using my friend as an example here, I know that many of you can empathise with his story as many of you have experienced such things in one way or another. Perhaps there is some programming that was implanted in you previously that cause you to be who you are today.

In my opinion, a low self-esteem is accumulated through the years, starting from childhood. There is always a point when a person is in the right time and situation to allow massive change to happen. Metaphorically speaking, that is the time when the “rubber band snaps”, when the person says: “I’m ready for change.” Certain questions help people get to this stage, questions like: ” Should you continue this pattern, how is it going to affect you and your loved ones?”, “Are you tired of being bullied and treated like a doormat?”and “It must feel very painful to be in your position, doesn’t it?” If you find it difficult to pull through and come to a decision, know that usually for something to improve, a little tension and discomfort is necessary.

Should you be in such a situation, my encouragement to you is to first recognise that there is some kind of a pattern within you. Accept, forgive and know that such patterns can be changed. Know that with help, you can live life with confidence, assurance and a healthy self-esteem. Seek therapy when needed. Healing can happen in a heartbeat.

In my following posts, I’ll be talking about the 8 stages of life, the 8 kinds of love required during those 8 stages and what are the crucial things that need to be fulfilled at each stage, in order for you to be a whole person.

Meanwhile, should you have comments about this post, do share them so that readers can benefit.

The following is a “healthy food hot list” consisting of the 29 food that will give you the biggest nutritional bang for you caloric buck, as well as decrease your risk for deadly illnesses like cancer, diabetes and heart disease. Along with each description is a suggestion as to how to incorporate these power-foods into your diet.

01. Apricots

The Power: Beta-carotene, which helps prevent free-radical damage and protect the eyes. The body also turns beta-carotene into vitamin A, which may help ward off some cancers, especially of the skin. One apricot has 17 calories, 0 fat, 1 gram of fiber. Snacks on them dried, or if you prefer fresh, buy when still firm; once they soften, they lose nutrients.

02. Avocados

The Power: Oleic acid, an unsaturated fat that helps lower overall cholesterol and raise levels of HDL, plus a good dose of fiber. One slice has 81 calories, 8 grams of fat and 3 grams of fiber. Try a few slices instead of mayonnaise to dress up your next burger. (more…)

Today has been a really hectic day, with lots of things to do, places to go to, people to meet and deadlines. Sooooooooo much tension. If only I had done one of these today, I might have felt less overwhelmed. *Sign*

However, better late than never……… Therefore, I hope that this following post would be one that is useful to you too.

7 Quick Tips to Relieve Stress RIGHT NOW! 

1.       Take a 1 minute Breathing Break 

Watch the clock’s second hand while you breathe deeply and slowly for 1 minute. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth at half speed. You’ll be surprised how much tension is released. 

2.       Take a walk 

Exercise is one of the best remedies for stress.  It increases the amount of endorphins in your brain, helping you to relax, calm down and remember the good things in life. 

3.       Have a Vision Break 

Look at far objects, especially greenery, releases tension and eye strain. 

4.       Talk it out! 

Share your current concern with someone else. Being heard and understood is crucial to relieving stress. 

5.       Write it down. 

Releasing your concerns, stresses on paper can be very therapeutic. As the saying goes, the more you pen on paper, the less you keep in your head. 

6.       Smile 

Look up 45° and give yourself an ear-to-ear grin. When you are smiling, endorphins are released into your system. In this position, unhappy and negative thoughts disappear. 

7.       Finally, when absolutely necessary and you cannot hold it in anymore, STAND UP FOR YOURSELF! 

By asserting your rights you enhance your self-esteem and relieve stress.  Whether you are at work, at home or making a complaint in a shop, make your point politely but firmly.
Prepare what you want to say in your mind;
Maintain steady eye contact, without staring;
State your case firmly in a steady voice without shouting or sounding apologetic;
Avoid seeming confrontational by showing that you are prepared to listen to the other person’s viewpoint and to compromise